Taking the Pain
by LadyArcherfan
Summary: Much's thoughts in that cold hour before dawn prior to his departure from the camp. Set during S3-9.


"Taking the Pain [for the Sake of Love and Friendship]"

By LadyArcherfan

One Shot

Angst

Set during S3-9

Characters: Much, implied Much/Eve, Much/Kate, Robin/Marian, and Robin/Kate

A/N: I had to write this fic for Much after watching S3-9 and almost crying for him at several points, particularly when he left camp. So, here's a story for Much

The night was old, but Much still could not sleep. Thoughts whirled around in his head, stealing rest and peace. Forest noises of leaves tossed by the wind, and night animals moving in their normal haunts did little to distract him from the sounds of his sleeping gang members. The breathing of two individuals seemed to echo the loudest in his ears: the soft snores of the man he had called master, and the quiet whispers of the woman he had come to harbor and unexplainable love for.

Much rolled over with a grimace, trying to force his thoughts to another honey haired woman, who he had claimed he would find again. Yet, no matter how he tried to force his thoughts towards Eve, he knew it was pointless. He had given up hope of finding her long before their disastrous journey to the Holy Land. When repeated inquiries after her and her mother from every village in Notthinghamshire had not yielded them, news of them, nor family and friends who might have known where they could have gone, Much had finally let the bitterness of defeat enter his stalwart spirit. He had held out hope through the war in the Holy Land, and through the danger and death of being and outlaw, but he lost hope of finding Eve; she had stolen his heart as easily as she had played the game of being a spy and double agent. Sometimes, he wondered if it had all been a dream, but the sadness at the loss reminded him it wasn't, which was all the worse.

A memory played cold and sharp in his mind, dredging up even more pain.

They – Robin and himself – were tracking the Sheriff through a grassy field, racing the sun to save Notthingham. To force his mind away from the terror he felt for what the possible end to the day could be, Much prattled on, knowing and hardly caring if Robin listened fully.

"_Master, you know that ring Marian gave you? Is that some sort of new code?" _

"_No. I gave it to her when we were in the tree." _

Much laughed, though he was already starting to see what Robin's answer would be. _"What, you giving jewelry? That must have surprised her; she must have thought you were going to propose." _

"_Yeah, I did." _

Much looked at Robin in shock. He had always known that Robin and Marian would eventually be together, but the sudden pain he felt echoed from a memory of Eve . . .

There was a hint of disbelief in Robin's voice when he said, _"And she said yes." _He hesitated and then continued,_ "Well, isn't this the part where you say congrat-"_

"_Congratulations,"_ Much said and pulled Robin into a hug. Stepping back he asked, _"She said yes?" _

"_She did." _

"_Incredible."_ Much began to blink back tears.

Robin became serious and dark as he said, _"Only if we live to enjoy it. Come on."_

Much felt unable to move. It seemed loss and failure was crashing down on him from every angle. He had lost Eve to time and distance and circumstances; now he was losing his best friend and master to the very person who he knew completed Robin. The loss he felt was compounded by jealousy, envy for the things he would never have with Eve but Robin would have with Marian. Then he pushed the thoughts out of his mind and ran after Robin.

With another growl of discomfort, Much flopped to his other side, breaking off the memory, only to find himself contemplating the first time he had seen Kate. It had seemed an unlikely attraction, with him stumbling in late as usual and Kate blazing with anger at Gisborne and frustration at the outlaws. Yet, he felt himself fall for her, perhaps because she was the opposite of Eve in manner and attitude, but with a lighter shade of the blonde hair he always preferred over brunettes.

When Kate had clung to him in the wake of her brother's death, he had thought he would be able to help her, and for a time, he did. It was a wonderful feeling, as he had always felt the most useful when he was helping someone - from Robin, to the gang, to the villagers. But Kate refused to be helped after that moment of weakness. Her cutting words of frustration and annoyance had not deterred him after the initial sting had worn off, and he kept trying. Yet, when she had been forced to join the gang, and had refused almost every overture of help and kindness from the gang – except those from Robin - it hurt Much the most.

For the longest time, he ignored the fact Kate had eyes only for Robin, who seemed to only have a passing interest in the village girl. And Much continued to hold out hope, though it was fragile. Then his hope had been shattered once and for all with Kate's awkward, almost childish confession.

"_I really like Robin, and I think he likes me too. But he won't let anything happen because of you. . ." _

Much flopped onto his back, staring up at the ceiling above his bunk. How had it come to this? Wasn't he, Much, allowed some happiness for a change? He instantly felt guilty for thinking it. Robin had only had Marian for a short time before she had died, and her death had nearly killed Robin with grief; and Much had felt a large part of himself whiter away with his inability to help his master, so in a way he had died too. Seeing the Robin he knew and loved die in a pit of despair had forced Much to confront himself with Robin's death. He had found new friendship with Allan, and somehow convinced himself that life without Robin was possible. Now Robin's grief had been soothed and he seemed to come back to life, but as a slightly different Robin. In the same way Much had come back changed. And they weren't the only ones to have faced death and the pain of despair; Kate had felt her share of loss of loved ones, and apparently had found comfort with the outlaws. _No, with _Robin, Much corrected himself.

Well, perhaps he could help both of them. He loved both Robin and Kate, and they deserved happiness. If that happiness came from being together, who was he to stop them? He could not prevent their happiness because his drive to help them overrode almost any feelings of jealousy. But what could he do? Much honestly couldn't think of discussing the matter with Robin; it was almost too awkward of a topic even for brothers in arms and friends to talk about. It would be easier to leave them alone, and try to forget any feelings he had for Kate.

_Leave . . . _Much turned his head to look out of the camp. The sky was just turning grey with the dawn. He could just leave and get out of the way. He could leave Nottinghamshire and start a new life somewhere. Perhaps if he left the shire, his chances to find Eve again would be greater. He had never expanded his search for her beyond the boundaries of the shire because he had no connections that far. But if he searched that far afield himself . . . perhaps God would be kind to him. His eyes slid closed as he allowed himself to entertain that hope and all the pleasant possibilities it lead to for a few moments, and the daylight grew.

It would be best to just disappear, he decided. There would be no awkward questions, no need to explain, no need to be hurt anymore than he was already. Robin and Kate would be helped to find their happiness together, and Much would be helped by removing himself from the very people he loved, but whose presence had now turned into a source of bittersweet pain.

He stood quietly and gathered his things. As he passed Kate, he hesitated, almost wanting to wake her quietly to explain his departure. With a firm reminder that such an action would cause the very problems he sought to avoid by leaving unnoticed, he steeled himself and continued out of the camp. As his gaze landed on Robin, he couldn't repress a sigh.

Stepping out of the camp and into the forest, Much thought, _I only ever wanted to serve you, Master, and see some recognition of the friendship we have. I'm doing what's best for us and our friendship. I can take this pain to make sure you are loved, and to keep our friendship from turning far sourer than it ever went in the worst of times. _He kicked the leaves under his feet in hurt and anger as his words conjured more memories, _Just leave it to 'good old, dependable old Much' to take care of. Well, now I have. Taken care of it. I've left, and they will be happy._

The new day was sending bright shafts of light down into the forest, and Much tried to convince himself that it was a sign that hope was lighting a path to a new life through his sadness. Sniffing and blinking away tears, he told himself that he could take the pain for the sake of love and friendship, even though he wondered if he would find either again.

_Fin._

* * *

Please Read and Review! Thank you!


End file.
